damn

once my lover, now my friend
what a cruel thing to pretend
what a cunning way to condescend
once my lover, and now my friend
oh you creep up like the clouds
& you set my soul at ease
then you let your love abound
& you bring me to my knees
oh it's evil babe
the way you let your grace enrapture me
when well you know I'd be insane
to ever let that dirty game recapture me
you made me a shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready for what you do
& I've been swinging around
cause I don't know when you're gonna make your move
oh your gaze is dangerous
& you fill your space so sweet
if I let you get too close
you'll set your spell on me
so darlin I just wanna say
just in case I don't come through
I was on to every play
I just wanted you
but oh, it's so evil my love
the way you've no reverence to my concern
so I'll be sure to stay wary of you, love
to save the pain of once my flame
& twice my burn

gonna

figure this out.

I would love it if I could settle down.

BLOOP

I don't trust people.

& I feel pretty silly about everything. oy vey.

SHTUFF

*Open, exposed
I can't escape all the glass
Guts of bugs splattered in my line of sight
My mind, my eyes
I can't make clean enough
A reflection staring back at me
On a path I didn't think I'd take
There's nothing big enough to hide behind
And I can't swallow it down fast enough
On my knees, take me back
You can paint my face, invade my soul


*Stick all the tubes back inside me
I am in pain wherever I go
I sabotage myself, I know it
These things just creep up all around me
I can feel it, never see it
Until it's too big to control
I need the security of doctors
Checking on me daily
All the pills keep my pain
Just below the surface
Lull me back to sleep
Things seem better in my dreams


*Smoldering
Who's smothering?
You let it go to a place
Where I can't take it back
And the blame just suits you
So much better
I can't relax
With all of the predicaments
Circling my head
Sedation keeps the beast at bay
I only wanted an arm to hold me up
And a pulse to fall asleep upon
But I can adjust
The drinks are poured
So I can slip away
With no thoughts at night
I hold too many burdens inside
Everyone one of them my own fault

YIKES

The past couple of months have been a huge trainwreck. I have some good memories, but I have really screwed some things up & am now trying to mend them.

Also, my feelings are pretty hurt.

UGH

I would like my own space to live in, please! I am tired of co-existing with family in one house. This is why you're suppose to move out at 18 ..... & stay out!

BALLS

I finally was able to just tell Alex I couldn't be in that relationship. He told me he'd never talk to me again, then texted me 20 times thereafter. He said I should just "go sleep with everyone" ??! & now he keeps telling me he loves me & still wants to be with me. I stopped responding last night and yet he persists. I thought things would be different because his life is soo different after being out of the hospital. He's not on drugs, he's recovering from head trauma, & yet he still freaks out on me.....

Everybody's getting on my nerves lately.