THE SLEEP

No sleep for the weak
It'll come when you ain't ready
Few and far between the days
Just shut the power off in my mind
What's that smell I can't get rid of?
Skin in my mouth, between my teeth
Shake up these muscles,
put me at ease
Breaths are coming sharp and shallow
I've got time to kill
I can only think of it negatively
Thank you for teaching that to me
I'm afraid I will die soon
Obsessive thoughts sway my brain,
and my heart beating
I could say that I want it,
but I know why I'm so scared
The wires were crossed,
now they're gnarled up so tight
I have my doubts things will ever get ironed out
I'm a menace, I'm sorry
I wish I had it in me to be on,
working for more than a few days at a time
I could be more gracious
I could be less resentful
Heavy memories weighing on me
Does anybody need some blame?
Not a tool that does any fixing
Trace and re-trace,
making flaws disappear
The ones that jump off the page,
and I can't stand to let it wait
My skin crawls every second they stare me down
The even-feeling blinks,
the pound of the counting
My cuts don't know how to mend right away
My lungs can't catch a breath, a break
I know how to sulk, to bitch
But I forget my pills,
and I take it lying down
The heavier it gets on top of me,
the easier it is to slide further down
Basic laws of gravity
These teeth get sore from the grinding,
such worry
I often look over my shoulder,
to see there's nothing there
But when there is,
I want to know what's coming,
and not be ill-prepared
The love that chases me can seem too big to be real
I'm a coward in my corner,
judging the things that try to make me happy
Only coming out of hiding,
when the loneliness overwhelms me
The inconsistancy's really unfair, undeserving
Give me your patience,
your understanding
I know who sticks around is hard to come by
The growl in my stomach can grow,
louder than my thoughts
Quiet the noise, feed the beast
Listen close for beats of positivity
The years are getting on,
my steps for change are merely inching
Every sense I have of myself moves me to apologize
Rushed words may slur what was intended
Deep thoughts tend to confuse,
and shut down the system
When my mind is blank,
the sleep can set in
And I dream that I now,
know myself again.